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It has almost been a year since I've been with Amr. We've been through so much together ..the good the bad the uglies yet we're still together . It seems that things just keep getting better and better. The person that I know he can be shines through more and more everyday.. He makes me smile and I laugh constantly when I'm with him. No one gets him and they can hate him but I GET HIM.. and thats all that matters. |
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| Daym I never thought things would get ugly between us... So stupid me wanting a good relationship with the baby daddy..and I keep pushing it and he doesnt want to..so this is my last straw. Bf is right who's going to remember that mommy and daddy got along... not hailey. I just thought I was doing the right thing for Hailey . I don't see what I do in my life now has anyway of effecting his life. What I do now is me doing me...has nothing to do with him ..so why would he be ashamed of my actions what does it got to do with him now ??? This is my time to do me.. I'm tired of pleasing everyone esle...Doing what makes them happy..always doing whatever they wanted me to do. You know if I distant with myself with someone I had a reason for it not because some guy made me or i did it for some guy. It's me doing me AGAIN. ....so stop blaming everything I've done on the other person because it's all me. I bought up one subject and so they bring up things thats in the past for what ? So it didn't look like it was all them? All I want is my business out of everyone's mouth is that too much? Have I not always done that for that person. Leave what's thier's thier own business and not the worlds. So let's not blame anyone but yourself for your own actions |
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| I feeling a little down today... I keep wanting a good relationship with Tho and he doesn't. He tells me why does it have to be good why cant it be neutral yet he only wants me to talk to him if it deals with hailey. He can't be hanging around in my life it he only wants me to talk to him when it deals with Hailey. He still floating around in my family.Dont be coming around if you dont want me to talk to you ..you know... But anyway for once I'm going to respect what he wants. I know I've done alot of wrong to him in the past and all I can do now is fix it ..and he cant understand that . He keeps bringing up the past .."well thats what you use to do" I'm not trying to be the person I was before. I tell myself you can't blame him he's just bitter and hurt but a friend told me..you can't blame yourself esp if you are trying to change don't stoop to his level.But he's delt with alot with me and I want to do the same for him. He thinks this is about him but it's not .. |
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| Everyone has stupid moments.. I miss tho.. looking back at what we had..He's a great ass guy..maybe a little too nice and people step all over him but overall he's good to me and he's a great daddy. Sometimes I just think how could I be so stupid to let something so good go..but really I had to change myself..and if I was still with him I'd still be the horrible person I was when I was with him.. no one deserves to be treated the way I treated him and it took us to break up for me to realise that and as sucky as that is..in a way it was good for me and him too. I see a stronger person in him and I hope time heals his pain and I'm more than thankful I will always have him in my life. Anyway tho if you read this I wish you happiness and love and everything you deserve because you deserve it all. So anyway everyone probably thinks I'm stupid but as i said before if its a mistake let me make it and learn from it... Things now..are okay..I've lost some focus on life but I'm ready to get back on.. |
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I don't like these feelings ..of not knowing.. Before I was sure and I knew everything was right and now my mind is racing im lost confused .. Is this what I want anymore.. it doesnt feel like it.. |
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